The author posted this at the top of 2024, before the Iowa caucuses, the New Hampshire primary, and the E. Jean Carroll judgment, but his forecast for ‘24 is still ripe…
Three years ago today we witnessed the natural end of the Republican Party. I don’t mean a chronological end. As long as there’s FOX News and people eager to tune in, there will be the ignorance and outrage levels necessary to nurture Trumpist conservatism.
I mean end as in the Greek term “telos,” which evokes a phenomenon’s essence — its reason for being. In that sense January 6 three years ago, in its lusty dance with violent ignorance, in its recognition, however dully, that the future of Trumpism did not line up with the future of democracy, indeed demanded its overthrow, all this was the completion of Trumpism, the full Donald.
Also on display of course was utter incompetence. Another key ingredient in the stew of Trumpian telos. For ignorance and incompetence, we give thee thanks.
What we are seeing, will see this year, and have seen the past few days is simply another heaping helping of that telos.
Let’s recount a few stops on the MAGA road as we begin “2024: the Year of MAGA Telos.”
Perhaps we’ll begin with Trump’s lawyers. File under “Only the best people.”
Trump lawyer, Alina Habba, confident that the Supreme Court will come through for Trump: “I think it should be a slam dunk in the Supreme Court. I have faith in them. You know, people like Kavanaugh, who the president fought for, who the president went through hell to get into place. He’ll step up; those people will step up.” Those people. Only the best people.
I’m imagining the spit take as Brett, perhaps indulging in a few beers with Donnie and Squee, spews his drink while listening to that interview. Even Squee is likely bright enough to recognize that reintroducing “quid pro quo” into the political conversation kinda makes it difficult for ol’ Bret to weigh in on the case. The Insurrectionist in Chief is callin’ in his IOU’s, Brett.
Trump lawyer #2, Christina Bobb, on the Colorado case: “The president is elected by the entire nation, and it should be the entire nation who determines who they want for president, whether they are guilty of insurrection or not. It’s up to the people.”
Um, so what you’re saying is … . Ah well. Someone has to finish at the bottom of their law school class. But surely you had a class somewhere along the line, where some prof or other, said something along the lines of, “Perhaps this doesn’t need to be said, but I’ll say it anyway. Never say something in public like, ‘Whether or not my client is guilty of murder, he … .’ Well, I guess the point is, whatever you say after the “whether or not” clause, ain’t gonna be heard. You just admitted a tad too much.’”
Next, how about a quick stop on the Nikki Haley train wreck tour? Nikki’s response to Trump releasing an attack ad against her: “If he’s going to lie about me, then I’m going to tell the truth about him.” Ah, the ol’ “if … then” clause. If “this” happens, then I’ll finally start doing “this.” Which kind of means you haven’t been doing “this” up to this point. So, Nikki, what is the truth about our Rapist in Chief?! Inquiring minds, and all that. You can’t tell the truth about the Civil War. How are you going to tell the truth about your cult leader?
Perhaps equal time for that other fearless Trump opponent. Ron DeSantis this week: “I will build the wall and I will make Mexico pay for it.” So, Ron as brilliant satirist? Oh, how I would love to believe that!
Let us close with a few items from the Orange God-King himself.
File this one under “I’m not the puppet; you’re the puppet.” On January 1, Trump “truthed”: “REMEMBER, if I don’t have Presidential Immunity, then Crooked Joe Biden doesn’t have it either, and he would certainly be Prosecuted for his many ACTUAL CRIMES, including illegally receiving massive amounts of money from foreign countries, including China.”
Two days later, the news broke that in just two years and in just four of Trump’s properties, The Projectionist in Chief collected almost $8 million from foreign governments, including roughly $5.5 million from China. But, you know, Hunter repaid $4000 to Joe for a loan, and somehow, China, China, China. At any rate, I’m sure Republicans will be all over this news.
And, finally, Trump is about to go to trial for the second time for defaming E. Jean Carroll when he claimed she lied about him raping her. He’s already lost once. Next week he’ll lose again. So, he decided it best to “truth” the following: “Except for a Fraudulent Case against me, I had no idea who E. Jean Carroll was. She called her African American Husband an ‘ape,’ and named her Cat ‘Vagina.’ Look at her Tweets, Stories, and the CNN Interview about her!”
The Stable Genius then “truthed” the exact same message, word for word, over and over and over and over and over and over again for nearly an hour. Over the course of two separate on-line tantrums, he “truthed” 71 times about Carroll. We might imagine the spit takes in his lawyers’ offices, but let’s also remember that the good folks in Iowa who, in a few days, will embrace this clearly unhinged old man, are the same folks who complain about Biden’s age.
Taking in the telos of the MAGA movement, I’m reminded of what I wrote three years ago after watching Trump’s rally in Georgia, a rally designed to earn the Republican party two senators. You may remember how that turned out. At any rate, this is what I wrote then. Seems a fitting way to begin 2024, the year of MAGA telos.
“Well, I did it. I watched Trump’s entire rally in Georgia tonight. Not much to say really.
The talking heads all talk about the ‘dark place’ we’re in. But then you listen to Trump, and you think, how did that, that thing on the stage put the United States of America in a dark place!
Nations are lost to Alexanders, to Caesars, to Napoleons. Losing a nation to Donald Trump would be a humiliation beyond endurance.
This wasn’t ‘the devil went down to Georgia.’ This was ‘the doofus went down to Georgia.’
The man gives demagogues a bad name. Please tell me that Huey Long and Father Coughlin and, God forbid, even Tail Gunner Joe weren’t this moronic. They could put sentences together, couldn’t they?
I mean, the man was boring. Just an endless litany of grievances and lies that we’ve all heard a hundred times. No wit at all. No originality. Just whatever stray thought entered his brain at the moment … banana, Ivanka, squirrel … chased for five seconds or so until dislodged by the next stray thought.
And the man gives liars a bad name. A good lie should at least whet the appetite. It should come embedded in a layer of truth so that it takes work, even skill, to ferret it out. One should feel a sense of accomplishment upon catching the scoundrel in the act.
But this? Fact checkers put their pens down after the first five minutes. One doesn’t fact check fantasy. One doesn’t fact check ‘I won Georgia by half a million votes.’ No, the challenge here was to find a nugget of truth.
Which I found toward the end of the evening. Boasting about the size of the crowd, Trump crowed, ‘There’s never been a movement like this one.’ And indeed, in this he was correct.
Never have so many been taken in by so little. Never have so many followed a man of such miniscule talent. Never have so many sacrificed their lives, their fortunes, their sacred honor for a cause so pathetic.
A cause, after all, which consists of one thing and one thing only. The satisfaction of the whims and ego of one Hindenburgian gasbag…”