The author has been keeping up with the Old Right’s angles on our time…
George Bernard Shaw once said of newspapers: “They are unable, seemingly, to discriminate between a bicycle accident and the collapse of civilization.”
I am reminded of that quote as I watch the right, particularly the religious right, froth at the mouth over various proposals from the Biden administration.
A few examples.
Jim Garlow, a California pastor who regularly feeds the fringes of the fever swamp, said that the possibility that Senate Democrats might do away with the filibuster is a question of “good versus evil, of the struggle of angelic beings against demonic forces.”
Who knew hell was so boring?! We always imagined Satan to be all about sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll. Instead we get Satan in council: “How many votes does it take to overturn a filibuster again? … Ok. Gorbag, see what you can do with that Manchin fella. We’ve got to do something about that crumbling infrastructure.”
On that same podcast with Garlow, Family Research Council president Tony Perkins claimed that the filibuster is “the one thing standing between the radical left and the end of America as we know it.”
More Perkins: Biden’s agenda is “literally from the pit of hell,” and Biden is provoking God into unleashing his judgment on America. “We’re in the 11th hour and I believe America is in serious trouble.
We are literally shaking our fists in the face of God and challenging God, ‘If you’re really God, you do something.’ And he is God, and he will do something.”
One hopes that when God “does something,” his targeting system is better than the usual hurricane that wipes out half of a red state. Perkins at prayer: “Dear Jesus, remind your dad that it’s the blue states that are shaking their fists, not Texas.”
James Dobson, radio Pied Piper of the religious right, warns that if the Democrats’ Voting Rights bill and the Equality Act become law, it’ll be the end of the United States: “We cannot afford to be idle while our country is hijacked by the Left-driven agenda of the Democrat Party. If we do not act now, this window of opportunity that we have to save what we hold dear will close quickly, and America’s shining light to the world will go out.”
No more green light at the end of the dock representing our hopes and dreams. Clearly, for Dobson, “America’s shining light” is white.
Senator Mike Lee is also a bit put out by the very idea of making it easier for minorities to vote. “Everything about this bill is rotten to the core,” Lee said in an interview on FOX. “This is a bill as if written in hell by the devil himself.”
The devil went down to Georgia lookin’ for a vote to steal.
One of the first things an actor learns is to leave himself somewhere to go. If a scene requires you to display a lot of anger, for example, you don’t want to start at a ten. Because half a page later, when the f-bombs really start flying, you’re already maxed out.
The right has never learned this lesson. If, in the first few months of the Biden administration, you’re already at Satan pulling levers to end America, you’ve really got no place left to go. And, at the very least, you’ve got more than three years left of Joe in the White House. Even Hitler and Stalin metaphors are a step down.
Jim Garlow to his congregation two years from now: “This latest Biden move is Satan at his worst. It’s just unbelievable how close we are to Armageddon and the end of all things.”
Congregation, looking at each other: “But Satan’s been jerking Biden’s chain for three years, and what have we got? The pandemic is long ago in the rearview mirror. Our bank accounts are flush. The bridges in the area are all fixed. And a few girls that you think are boys are running track. How bad could a few more years of Satan be”…
xxx
File under “A Teaching Moment.”
The lawyer for Thomas Webster, accused of beating a police officer with a metal pole and trying to gouge out his eyes on January 6: “It has been a shock [for the retired cop and former Marine] to find himself in jail alongside people serving time for ‘inner-city crimes.'”
xxx
Right-wing preacher Todd Coconato, explaining why it only “appears” that Biden is president: “When I prayed about if we’d ever see President Trump as our president again, God just reminded me that he’s the one that chooses the leadership, not us. He allows certain things to happen, but he also responds to the prayers of the righteous. And what he was telling me is that just like David, President Trump has the mantle of leadership, has the anointing of leadership.”
I wonder if it might not be useful for Preacher Todd to, instead of conjuring tortured explanations for why the word “former” now appears in front of his boy’s name, to maybe examine his foundational presupposition.
If God “responds to the prayers of the righteous,” and if Joe Biden is now president, perhaps Todd might ask himself if, indeed, he, Preacher Todd, is one of the righteous.
xxx
Obama once raised the federal minimum wage to $10. The right went ape.
Ted Cruz, who appears to zip himself into a human suit every morning like the bug in Men in Black, went all outrage in the Wall Street Journal.
Ted: “Of all the troubling aspects of the Obama presidency, none is more dangerous than the president’s persistent pattern of lawlessness, his willingness to disregard the written law and instead enforce his own policies via executive fiat. The president’s taste for unilateral action to circumvent Congress should concern every citizen, regardless of party or ideology.”
He, and others, waxed eloquent about the “Imperial President” endangering the Constitution.
I don’t remember being concerned, but it’s been awhile.
This week President Biden … I love saying that … jacked the federal minimum to $15!
So far, silence from Republicans.
One is tempted to think that even bug-men can learn a thing or two, but I suspect the explanation is more idiot wind than that.
The Make Shit Up caucus simply had more important things to worry about. After all, Biden plans to limit our burger intake, and the feds are distributing Kamala’s book to migrant children.
All ridiculously false of course. One “journalist” has already left her position over the Harris story. John Roberts on FOX sheepishly admitted the burger banning was bungled.
Nevertheless fainting couches on the right were swooned upon up and down the nutjob spectrum. After all, it’s much easier to churn the base with bullshit than to present reasoned arguments against policy.
Dr. Seuss knows that all too well.
Ah well, I’m off to Burger King… just in case…